Hope you’re doing good!

But, just to say, that is the big problem for me – regrets.

If only what happened on the night of my 20th did not happen.

If only I had been honest with you that I wanted us to talk about it honestly there and then. The pain from that, the trust lost, the personal demons did not go away. Never.

This was the most important friendship of my life. I even dreamt that we’d be together. But that dream is an impossible one, that’s FINE. We were not made for each other in that way, but now I;m even denied a friendship.

This is not obsession. Pls do not insult me even more by thinking that way. But for me, to be content is important. And when I have that taken from me so crushingly, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Out of my own doing, I know. Stupid outbursts, stupid refusal to understand your right to not want to have lunch with me even ONCE.

Stupid lectures.

I didn’t appreciate that you had forgiven a lot of my mistakes before and I just kept pushing it. Its all my fault, sigh I’m so sorry ok.

I am not even welcome to stop over at your house to give you a gift I am sure you would have normally loved to receive.

I’m not even allowed to share the sadness when Yasmin passed away.

Or the shock when Mike Owen joined the devils.

There is too much pain, too much regret.

Yes, life holds a lot more… there are people who love me, who care. There are experiences waiting to be tasted. Moments to live, a whole life to embrace. Missions to accomplish.

But the pain in my heart is unbearable. I can’t stop thinking of this no matter how much I try to be happy. The whole trip to Singapore I was thinking about seeing you. And the whole bus journey back I was devastated.

You don’t even let me find comfort and solace in my prayers.I just can’t go on.

A dying man never lies. I’m not sure if you ever took my ‘threats’ seriously, but yes I assure you I was serious all along I just kept delaying it cos I was hoping for a miracle to hear from you. And I’m scared lah… when I think of my parents, family,, friends who actually care.

But again, the pain and regret keeps getting in the way of me living my life and enjoying even the simplest of thing.

My only wish is to be forgiven. I have one day, maybe two but not beyond this weekend.

I hope you will say you have forgiven me and get to hear a goodbye.

I am not expecting to be friends again or you to be heroic and save me cause I know that much you cannot pretend to even care. Who would care about me if I treated them as badly as I treated you?

Its all my fault. Not you, you have a big heart.

Thank you for everything. I love you very much. I genuinely hope you will b happy as I am giving you what you wanted – to be rid of my existence. Goodbye 

But, just to say, that is the big problem for me – regrets.

If only what happened on the night of my 20th did not happen.

If only I had been honest with you that I wanted us to talk about it honestly there and then. The pain from that, the trust lost, the personal demons did not go away. Never.

This was the most important friendship of my life. I even dreamt that we’d be together. But that dream is an impossible one, that’s FINE. We were not made for each other in that way, but now I;m even denied a friendship.

This is not obsession. Pls do not insult me even more by thinking that way. But for me, to be content is important. And when I have that taken from me so crushingly, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Out of my own doing, I know. Stupid outbursts, stupid refusal to understand your right to not want to have lunch with me even ONCE.

Stupid lectures.

I didn’t appreciate that you had forgiven a lot of my mistakes before and I just kept pushing it. Its all my fault, sigh I’m so sorry ok.

I am not even welcome to stop over at your house to give you a gift I am sure you would have normally loved to receive.

I’m not even allowed to share the sadness when Yasmin passed away.

Or the shock when Mike Owen joined the devils.

There is too much pain, too much regret.

Yes, life holds a lot more… there are people who love me, who care. There are experiences waiting to be tasted. Moments to live, a whole life to embrace. Missions to accomplish.

But the pain in my heart is unbearable. I can’t stop thinking of this no matter how much I try to be happy. The whole trip to Singapore I was thinking about seeing you. And the whole bus journey back I was devastated.

You don’t even let me find comfort and solace in my prayers.I just can’t go on.

A dying man never lies. I’m not sure if you ever took my ‘threats’ seriously, but yes I assure you I was serious all along I just kept delaying it cos I was hoping for a miracle to hear from you. And I’m scared lah… when I think of my parents, family,, friends who actually care.

But again, the pain and regret keeps getting in the way of me living my life and enjoying even the simplest of thing.

My only wish is to be forgiven. I have one day, maybe two but not beyond this weekend.

I hope you will say you have forgiven me and get to hear a goodbye.

I am not expecting to be friends again or you to be heroic and save me cause I know that much you cannot pretend to even care. Who would care about me if I treated them as badly as I treated you?

Its all my fault. Not you, you have a big heart.

Thank you for everything. I love you very much. I genuinely hope you will b happy as I am giving you what you wanted – to be rid of my existence. Goodbye 

But, just to say, that is the big problem for me – regrets.

If only what happened on the night of my 20th did not happen.

If only I had been honest with you that I wanted us to talk about it honestly there and then. The pain from that, the trust lost, the personal demons did not go away. Never.

This was the most important friendship of my life. I even dreamt that we’d be together. But that dream is an impossible one, that’s FINE. We were not made for each other in that way, but now I;m even denied a friendship.

This is not obsession. Pls do not insult me even more by thinking that way. But for me, to be content is important. And when I have that taken from me so crushingly, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Out of my own doing, I know. Stupid outbursts, stupid refusal to understand your right to not want to have lunch with me even ONCE.

Stupid lectures.

I didn’t appreciate that you had forgiven a lot of my mistakes before and I just kept pushing it. Its all my fault, sigh I’m so sorry ok.

I am not even welcome to stop over at your house to give you a gift I am sure you would have normally loved to receive.

I’m not even allowed to share the sadness when Yasmin passed away.

Or the shock when Mike Owen joined the devils.

There is too much pain, too much regret.

Yes, life holds a lot more… there are people who love me, who care. There are experiences waiting to be tasted. Moments to live, a whole life to embrace. Missions to accomplish.

But the pain in my heart is unbearable. I can’t stop thinking of this no matter how much I try to be happy. The whole trip to Singapore I was thinking about seeing you. And the whole bus journey back I was devastated.

You don’t even let me find comfort and solace in my prayers.I just can’t go on.

A dying man never lies. I’m not sure if you ever took my ‘threats’ seriously, but yes I assure you I was serious all along I just kept delaying it cos I was hoping for a miracle to hear from you. And I’m scared lah… when I think of my parents, family,, friends who actually care.

But again, the pain and regret keeps getting in the way of me living my life and enjoying even the simplest of thing.

My only wish is to be forgiven. I have one day, maybe two but not beyond this weekend.

I hope you will say you have forgiven me and get to hear a goodbye.

I am not expecting to be friends again or you to be heroic and save me cause I know that much you cannot pretend to even care. Who would care about me if I treated them as badly as I treated you?

Its all my fault. Not you, you have a big heart.

Thank you for everything. I love you very much. I genuinely hope you will b happy as I am giving you what you wanted – to be rid of my existence. Goodbye 

But, just to say, that is the big problem for me – regrets.

If only what happened on the night of my 20th did not happen.

If only I had been honest with you that I wanted us to talk about it honestly there and then. The pain from that, the trust lost, the personal demons did not go away. Never.

This was the most important friendship of my life. I even dreamt that we’d be together. But that dream is an impossible one, that’s FINE. We were not made for each other in that way, but now I;m even denied a friendship.

This is not obsession. Pls do not insult me even more by thinking that way. But for me, to be content is important. And when I have that taken from me so crushingly, I don’t know what to do anymore.

Out of my own doing, I know. Stupid outbursts, stupid refusal to understand your right to not want to have lunch with me even ONCE.

Stupid lectures.

I didn’t appreciate that you had forgiven a lot of my mistakes before and I just kept pushing it. Its all my fault, sigh I’m so sorry ok.

I am not even welcome to stop over at your house to give you a gift I am sure you would have normally loved to receive.

I’m not even allowed to share the sadness when Yasmin passed away.

Or the shock when Mike Owen joined the devils.

There is too much pain, too much regret.

Yes, life holds a lot more… there are people who love me, who care. There are experiences waiting to be tasted. Moments to live, a whole life to embrace. Missions to accomplish.

But the pain in my heart is unbearable. I can’t stop thinking of this no matter how much I try to be happy. The whole trip to Singapore I was thinking about seeing you. And the whole bus journey back I was devastated.

You don’t even let me find comfort and solace in my prayers.I just can’t go on.

A dying man never lies. I’m not sure if you ever took my ‘threats’ seriously, but yes I assure you I was serious all along I just kept delaying it cos I was hoping for a miracle to hear from you. And I’m scared lah… when I think of my parents, family,, friends who actually care.

But again, the pain and regret keeps getting in the way of me living my life and enjoying even the simplest of thing.

My only wish is to be forgiven. I have one day, maybe two but not beyond this weekend.

I hope you will say you have forgiven me and get to hear a goodbye.

I am not expecting to be friends again or you to be heroic and save me cause I know that much you cannot pretend to even care. Who would care about me if I treated them as badly as I treated you?

Its all my fault. Not you, you have a big heart.

Thank you for everything. I love you very much. I genuinely hope you will b happy as I am giving you what you wanted – to be rid of my existence. Goodbye 

This song never fails to move me.

Hang in there, Rebecca. God will give you the strength to complete this semester, and finish it strong.